The other day, I was with a couple friends, and we were talking about issues related to medicine. I commented that one medical miracle I have witnessed is when you administer Narcan to someone who has overdosed on opioids.
“It’s incredible,” I said. “They can wake right up. Have you ever seen that?”
These friends – all of whom I have met since leaving the fire service – just stared at me.
“Uh, no,” said one, shifting uncomfortably. “Why would we have seen that?”
The exchange was a reminder that, even though my time as an active firefighter is in my past, you never completely leave the fire service. And some of the things that are normal occurrences within that context are not at all normal to the rest of the world.
This disconnect can cause problems in different ways. It can create alienation with those on the “outside,” including friends and family members, and lead to more insularity among those on the “inside,” those who do understand what you are talking about without explanation.
Tailor your conversations to your audience
What to share and with whom can be a balancing act. When I was working as a firefighter, I remember those who were close to me asking what happened during a work shift. I would always respond carefully, often glossing over the more graphic details. This reaction was meant to both protect them as well as prevent me from having to relive the two suicides from the day before, or whatever traumatic event we were part of.
Sometimes people would press me for more information, only to recoil when I shared more specific details. They really didn’t want to hear it. They didn’t want to have that image in their minds. But firefighters cannot help but retain those images. We’ve actually seen those things, and it’s important to find ways to process those experiences in an appropriate setting. This might happen in several ways:
- Speaking with family and friends. One can still share experiences from the job with friends and family, and it is important to do this to maintain a connection and that support network. However, it’s probably better to talk with people outside the job differently than you would with coworkers. You can still talk about a difficult call, but perhaps focus more on how you felt as a result, rather than the specific details of what happened. People who are close to you will want to support you in this way.
- Speaking with colleagues. Processing experiences with coworkers can be very therapeutic. This doesn’t have to happen in a formal way. A company officer can initiate a conversation about a tough call and allow people to vent and talk about it in a way that might not fit the model of a formal debrief. These kinds of informal conversations might include the dark humor that firefighters often use to get through hard times. Peer support teams can also fill this role.
- Speaking with mental health experts. Sometimes more is needed, and trained professionals can be a literal lifesaver for emergency responders. Some larger departments have in-house counselors on staff; others might have coordinated with outside resources to fill this need. Access to confidential counseling is especially important when a difficult call affects one crewmember more than others. This might occur for a variety of reasons, for instance with someone who has had a similar personal experience or is currently going through a hard time in their private life, perhaps unknown to the rest of the crew.
Build a support network
It is important to be able to talk about what you do, and to be able to share your personal experiences and how you feel about them. This sharing might take different forms depending on the context; sharing too much can be as damaging at times as sharing too little, but all firefighters should have personal agency in making these decisions.
Cultivating a strong support network among family, friends, coworkers and trained professionals gives firefighters options for processing difficult calls that are just part of a normal day on the job.
