Firefighters are funny. Not all firefighters and not all the time, of course, but one of the things I appreciated about being part of the fire service was how humor was intertwined into so many aspects of daily life. It serves many purposes on the job: to create crew bonds, to release stress or tension after a difficult call, to divert attention and to resolve low-level problems.
But humor and jokes are not always a positive thing. Something that everyone will experience in their lives is someone telling them a joke they don’t like – they find the joke offensive, inappropriate or just not funny. How they react in that situation – and how that reaction is received by others – can influence future interactions and behaviors.
Some people who share marginal humor are actively trying to provoke others. Some people tell jokes to be the center of attention. And others do it as a way of being friendly or generous, sharing with others something they found funny.
Regardless of the intention, a singular bad joke is typically a small problem and should be dealt with as such. So, what options do you have in managing this situation?
Don’t react
The first, and best, option in reacting to bad humor is no reaction at all. How do you get a bad comedian off stage? Not by heckling; they live for that. The best way to get a bad comedian off stage is to not laugh. And that is the best way to get a bad comedian off stage in your personal or work life as well.
Don’t react to the joke. Not even a sarcastic fake laugh or comment. Just stone-cold silence, perhaps accompanied by the incredulous stare.
If the person telling the joke meant it innocently and inclusively, they will feel uncomfortable at this point and will usually back off. They might say, “What? You didn’t like that joke?” And you can respond honestly: “No, not really.” And that should be the end of it.
If the joke-teller takes your response as an opportunity to target you persistently with similar offensive jokes, then you have a different sort of problem on your hands. Now the behavior is intentional and directed, two key components of defining harassment. A single bad joke is a small problem; a pattern of harassment is a much bigger one and must be dealt with as such.
Redirect the energy
It is important for those who witness inappropriate humor to be clear in how they react. You don’t have to stand up and make a speech when it happens. But don’t laugh along with others either, as if you like what is happening. Your silence will speak volumes, not only to the person telling the joke, but to anyone else who might be present, some of whom may feel the same way you do.
Firefighters are by their nature competitive, and this comes into play with humor, too. Most of us have witnessed a situation where marginal behavior escalates into that which might be truly inappropriate (“If that was funny, do you know what would be really funny?”). It is the responsibility of all individuals in the group to be the voice of reason and to redirect that energy before things go off the rails.
One way of doing this is not participating. You can refrain from laughing. You can get up and walk away, finding something more productive to do in that moment. Especially in one-on-one encounters, you can quietly let your feelings be known. (“I don’t really like that” or “Please don’t use that language around me.”) If the joke-teller had no malicious intent, just this much response should be sufficient.
Don’t let the fire grow
Firefighters know that the best way to keep small fires from growing into large ones is to manage them effectively when they are small, or better yet, prevent them altogether. The same rule applies to interpersonal conflict. A single bad joke is a small problem and can be dealt with as such. Only if the person telling the joke refuses to respect an individual’s response will things escalate from there.
